Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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