Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
