I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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