i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
