She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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