You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
