I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
