Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
