You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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