He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
