we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
