I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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