I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
