I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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