haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's always time for handjobs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
