If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
