I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
