mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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