Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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