im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize