anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
