I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
