yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
