He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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