life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
