i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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