I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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