I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
