I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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