Im at strip club and am horny
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
