She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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