The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
