My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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