And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
