That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
