Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
