I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i believe in u and ur pee
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize