At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize