A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
