I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
