He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
