remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still dying that you shit outside
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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