yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
