as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
operation harelip BJ is a go
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize