he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and she was petting her beer can
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
