your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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