Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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