I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
