Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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