That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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