Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
