My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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