Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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