the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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