I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Alive.
So much puke
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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