Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize