Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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