You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
