so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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