my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
