areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you had me at cake vodka
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
