Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
