Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize