erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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