Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
