Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
